As promised….

In my last blog, I promised a joke about recruiters.  And here it is…the classic recruiting joke.

A recruiter was hit by a bus on his way to work one day, despite the excellent medical care he received, he unfortunately died on the operating table.

According to the After Life Standard Operating Procedure, the recruiter was told he had to visit both Heaven and Hell before making his choice of where he would like to remain.  He told them there was no need to visit Hell, he would just go to Heaven…however, SOPs being what they are (eerily similar to HR policies, in fact), he was required to visit both Heaven and Hell.

First up was Heaven, he went through the Pearly Gates and was greeted with peace and quiet, lots of lovely clouds, gentle, soothing music, angels floating around and it was all very serene and very nice.

Then he went down to Hell.  Much to his surprise, he was greeted by the Devil, who appeared to be a very friendly, fun kinda guy.  He could tell great jokes, made the recruiter laugh and then he took him on a tour of Hell.  It was nothing like he imagined…yes, it was hot, but people were standing around in groups, laughing and appearing to have a very good time.  He was treated to a fabulous BBQ buffet, full of delicious meats cooked over the fires of Hell.  After his buffet, he was entertained by a very talented band called the Hounds of Hell, and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

He was brought before St. Peter after his tours, and he was asked how his day was and was told he could now make his decision on whether he wanted to spend his afterlife in Heaven or Hell.  After much hemming and hawing, he decided that based on his tours, he would prefer to go to Hell.  St. Peter asked if he was sure, because that really was a surprising decision and it was final, the recruiter said, yes, I am sure and he was sent back down to Hell.

When he arrived back in Hell, he was once again greeted by the Devil…but this time the Devil grabbed him, attached chains to him, and gave him a shovel.  He pushed him into a fiery pit with the rest of the people in Hell who were also all chained and toiling away with picks and shovels.  The recruiter looked up at the Devil and said, “What happened?  This is not how Hell looked when I was on my tour”  The Devil gave him an evil grin and said “Before we were recruiting you, now you are considered an employee”.

There have been a number of stories about internet dating gone bad lately.  One regularly hears stories about how people misrepresent themselves on dating websites; use old pictures, or even someone else’s pictures to lure unsuspecting love interests in.

These type of experiences are not limited to those seeking love…it also happens to those seeking a job, or those seeking an employee.  Technology is a wonderful thing but should never be used in place of the good old face to face meeting that must happen in the recruiting process (and in the love match process) .  I made a rookie mistake way back at the start of my career that reinforced this for me.   I was working for a high tech company that shall remain nameless, as I was not the only idiotic one in this story and I must protect those who are not as forthcoming about their idiocy.  We were looking for a developer, and the search was not going well.  Finally, we came across a resume from an individual, and it looked quite impressive.  As the individual lived in a different city, we set up a phone call for the interview.  It went well enough for us to want to have a technical interview with the individual, so in the interests of saving time and money, we also set that up by phone.  I am not sure I would have been able to tell there was anything amiss if I had been on that call, but in hindsight, I should have at least placed the call, or sat through a few minutes of it.  The technical interview went very well.  Then… we made our big error in judgement, we extended an offer without having laid eyes on the person, the offer included relocation costs.

Within 2 hours of the person starting, the hiring manager came to me in a panic.  Apparently, she was quite certain that this was not the same person she had interviewed over the phone…this became blatantly obvious as time went on.   We are still  not entirely sure what happened but we suspect the candidate had someone else do the technical interview for him…and since it was over the phone, we had no way of knowing.  Needless to say, the new employee did not stay an employee for very long and I learned a very valuable lesson.

This goes both ways…it is worth the trip to check out an employer face to face.  I have no doubt that candidates have been wooed by companies that were far less than they appeared and had a face to face meeting at the company’s site been conducted, lots of relevant and valuable information would have been gathered.  Do your due diligence in looking for a job, don’t accept what a recruiter says at face value, there are some wonderful jokes about recruiters and I will share one in my next blog.

Fooled by the job description

So you are not really happy with your current position and you are starting to sniff around.  You might go to Monster and check out some of the jobs that are posted there. You may check out some companies’ websites and see what open positions they have.  Regardless of how you go about looking for a new job though, you will run into job descriptions.  There may be a few job descriptions out there that excite you and motivate you to apply because you can totally see yourself working for a company that writes such a perfect job description for you; however, the majority of them will cause your eyes to glaze over and probably bring on a few face splitting yawns.

Bear with us, there is reason to our insanity when it comes to job descriptions.  When recruiting for any position, but in particular for technical positions, we must pull together something that provides some guidance to job seekers.  And while I am at it, I will be completely honest and admit that sometimes I get the requirements for the position and realize I have no clue what the manager is talking about.  But the manager asked for it so it gets incorporated into the job description.

Job descriptions can be incredibly useful if you know what you are looking for.  They should give a feel of the company, the job and even the team.  I am sure you have all seen those blogs or websites that provide humorous takes on particular phrases, and admittedly some of those have a ring of truth to it.  Yes, sometimes seeing the term “start-up company” can be a rather unsubtle hint that the compensation package maybe more creative than you had bargained for.  “Team Player” can indicate that your team may be challenging and difficult to get along with or…it might mean that the manager wants someone who can play nice with others, because mean people do not do very well in that environment.

The job description does describe the ideal candidate, and really, we do not expect to see the ideal, but we do want a person who fits the job description.  For example, if the job description asks for 5-7 years in C/C++, and you have 3 years of C/C++, then by all means apply. If you have 0 years in C/C++, then do not apply.  The skills are listed there for a reason.

Since you are reading this, you may be on the Klocwork website.  If so, check out our careers section.  You might read a job description on there that appeals to you, and if you do, send us your resume.

It was a mistake for Eric to wear a t-shirt to his job interview, and it was a bigger mistake to wear that particular t-shirt.

People who do not get hired after an interview second guess themselves; they look for concrete reasons as to why they were not hired for that particular job.  They might justify it by saying the company sucked, the interviewer was an HR douchebag, the hiring manager did not know their stuff.  Of course, they may be correct in passing these judgments, however, chances are there simply was a mismatch between the person interviewing and the company.  When this happens, count your blessings that the people doing the interviewing for the company knew that.  Being brought into a company that is a mismatch with your values and attitudes can impact everything you do, not to mention, make you downright miserable.

An interview is an opportunity for you to interview the company…to find out if you like them.  It is not just about sitting in front of some scary people and answering the questions they fire at you.   For most people, interviews are not pleasant experiences.  However, they are an evil necessity, until a more effective way of assessing people is invented.  And this brings me to the point of this blog…how the hell do you get through an interview?

1. Be prepared, know the names of the interviewers, know the company business and feel free to bring in notes.  It is entirely reasonable to request more information from the company representative setting up the interview.
2. Appear enthusiastic and interested (but not so much that you are confused with a salesperson!).
3. Dress appropriately.  This generally means clean trousers and a shirt with a collar, maybe a tie for the men, a clean skirt and a blouse for the women.
4. Answer the questions, and if you do not know the answer, let the interviewer know with the promise to get back to them.
5. ASK QUESTIONS…find out enough information to determine whether you want to be an employee.
6. Finally, follow up…if you like what you heard during the interview.  Just an e-mail will suffice, and believe me that will set you apart from 90% of the candidates.

I like developers.

I have spent a career hiring, motivating, confusing, annoying and retaining developers.  I am not going to go so far as to say I understand you guys, but I do know what makes a good developer.  More importantly, I know what makes someone a bad fit for the team I am recruiting for.

First impressions are important. Yeah, I know, it sucks and your technical prowess should speak for itself, but it doesn’t.  Let’s face it, if you forget the “L” in Klocwork in your cover letter, I’m laughing too hard to pay attention to your superior coding skills.

If you continually refer to me as “Sir”, my feminist nose gets a bit out of joint; resumes filled with spelling errors throw into question your attention to detail and your level of concern for putting forth solid code.

While I am on the subject of resumes, it’s very impressive that people have the experience to fill up 15 pages of a resume. Maybe it’s even impressive that they have the time to type out a 15-page resume, but no one else has the time or the inclination to read a 15-page resume.  To date, the record length for a resume that I have received is 25 pages – this person is not employed here.

Being in this industry and in HR for as long as I have, I have learned something shocking – people stretch the truth on their resumes!  Imagine that!  And then imagine a company having the audacity to have someone in for an interview and test the person to assess whether what they claim on their resume is actually the case.  Of course, as a candidate, you should then take great offense to the fact that my colleagues and I called into question your integrity, your intelligence, and your worth as a citizen of the world.  In fact, you should probably follow up your interview with a strongly worded e-mail addressed to Sir at Kocwork.  Or maybe you shouldn’t.

Just…don’t…do…that.   We are not attacking your credibility. We do not enter the interview room thinking you are a lying, worthless waste of skin. In fact, we are pretty excited to meet you, so far we have liked what we have seen, otherwise you would not be here.

We will remain excited to meet you, right up to the point where you show up half an hour late, wearing a questionable outfit covered with what appears to be last week’s Sunday dinner.  Maybe you will look me in the eye, or maybe you will direct your eyes to my chest and keep them fixed there throughout the interview.  When that happens I like to observe where your eyes remain clamped when my male coworkers are interviewing you because inevitably it has nothing to do with what is on the interviewer’s chest. It’s just a convenient place to rest one’s gaze.  However,  between you and me, it kinda freaks me out.

I found this blog to be rather cathartic. I have more, so much more and if I am invited back as a guest blogger, maybe my therapy bills will go down.  Until we meet across a table in our interview room, I wish you good luck and good code!